Here are my power rankings for Week 18 of the NFL season.
1. Baltimore Ravens (13-3, No. 1 ranking last week)
This week’s theme is simplistic. It’s “wishes for 2024.”
Like, “to be able to bottle this up and get right back to it in three weeks.”
2. San Francisco 49ers (12-4, No. 2)
To get another shot.
3. Buffalo Bills (10-6, No. 3)
To end the week as a terrifying Super Bowl threat and not “in Cancun.”
4. Cleveland Browns (11-5, No. 6)
For the clock to never ever strike midnight.
5. Dallas Cowboys (11-5, No. 8)
Since the month has changed, to not be the Cowboys any longer.
6. Detroit Lions (11-5, No. 5)
Maybe just a slight improvement in communication.
7. Kansas City Chiefs (10-6, No. 9)
To be relevant again for a reason other than their tight end’s girlfriend.
8. Miami Dolphins (11-5, No. 4)
For a stiff drink.
No. Stiffer.
9. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5, No. 7)
For answers.
10. Los Angeles Rams (9-7, No. 10)
For this to be a sign of things to come.
11. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-7, No. 13)
For the Ravens to skip all the way to Malik Cunningham.
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (9-7, No. 15)
For the Panthers to be extended an invitation to the playoffs too for some reason.
13. Houston Texans (9-7, No. 16)
For more of the same.
14. Indianapolis Colts (9-7, No. 20)
For less of the same.
15. Green Bay Packers (8-8, No. 17)
Love is all they need.
16. Seattle Seahawks (8-8, No. 11)
Help … to get their feet back on the (playoff) ground.
17. New Orleans Saints (8-8, No. 22)
For a miracle. Actually something even less likely than that — a Panthers win.
18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-8, No. 12)
To avoid the unthinkable.
19. Cincinnati Bengals (8-8, No. 14)
For all of this to be immediately forgotten with one magical flick of the wrist by Joe Burrow in September.
20. Denver Broncos (8-8, No. 21)
For Bo Nix or whoever to somehow prove to have been worth all of this nonsense.
21. Chicago Bears (7-9, No. 24)
For Justin Fields to net them two more first-rounders.
22. Las Vegas Raiders (7-9, No. 18)
To not screw this up (which they inevitably will so they’re wasting their time).
23. Atlanta Falcons (7-9, No. 19)
Despite their not wholly disastrous record, many more wishes.
24. Minnesota Vikings (7-9, No. 23)
To do better than Kirk Cousins this offseason (when there’s serious danger they’ll do worse).
25. Arizona Cardinals (4-12, No. 31)
To play in games that matter for them for a change.
26. New York Jets (6-10, No. 25)
For Aaron Rodgers to be relevant for football reasons for a change instead of for trying to keep alive a one-man crusade against a pandemic the rest of us moved on from more than two years ago.
27. New York Giants (5-11, No. 26)
Anyone else to have an interesting agent to distract from the actual circumstances.
28. Tennessee Titans (5-11, No. 27)
To win more games in Nashville in December than the University of Maryland football team … unlike last year.
29. New England Patriots (4-12, No. 28)
For an amicable conscious uncoupling.
30. Los Angeles Chargers (5-11, No. 29)
For Jim Harbaugh. And then for the answers to the many other questions.
31. Carolina Panthers (2-14, No. 30)
To just continue to have tremendous leadership from the top down.
32. Washington Commanders (4-12, No. 32)
A spot in the UFL.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox