Here are my power rankings for Week 4 of the NFL season.
1. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
Yeah, yeah, that was pass interference. Obviously it wasn’t getting called. So this.
2. Buffalo Bills (3-0, No. 3)
But really, insert any AFC team here.
3. Minnesota Vikings (3-0, No. 9)
Since we’re just out here reviving life into 2018 failures like Sam Darnold, maybe it’s time for Pete Davidson to call Ariana Grande again?
4. Detroit Lions (2-1, No. 7)
Huge week for Detroiters and also the Lions.
5. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0, No. 10)
Are the Steelers good? Probably. Are they this good? Of course not. Will they continue to be annoying and a thorn in the side? Of course. But hey, at least we also have to put up with six more weeks of election texts.
6. Houston Texans (2-1, No. 2)
Biggest Houston disappointment since LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett tuned into TRL to find out they were no longer in the band.
7. Seattle Seahawks (3-0, No. 11)
Genuinely happy to see this man back on the football field.
8. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1, No. 12)
They didn’t score until the fourth quarter and I still think they’re the eighth-best team in the NFL.
9. New Orleans Saints (2-1, No. 5)
They lost to a team that didn’t score until the fourth quarter and I still think they’re the ninth-best team in the NFL.
10. New York Jets (2-1, No. 14)
Just what we as a country need: The Jets being just good enough to shine a brighter spotlight on Aaron Rodgers. Nothing weird will come from that at all.
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1, No. 4)
The Orioles’ efforts with no outs and two runners in scoring position in the ninth inning think this Buccaneers loss was embarrassing.
12. Los Angeles Chargers (2-1, No. 8)
You had one job.
13. Green Bay Packers (2-1, No. 18)
Malik Willis is the most exciting thing to come from Liberty University since a trip to Miami and a pool boy.
14. Baltimore Ravens (1-2, No. 19)
Analytics.
15. Los Angeles Rams (1-2, No 24)
Gotta give them credit for winning a massive road game in, (checks notes), their home stadium.
16. Washington Commanders (2-1, No. 26)
17. San Francisco 49ers (1-2, No. 6)
To be fair, they were without Christian McCaffrey, Deebo Samuel, George Kittle, Ricky Pearsall, Dre Greenlaw, Vernon Davis, Jeff Garcia, Carlos Hyde, JJ Stokes, Merton Hanks, Brent Jones and Randy Cross.
18. Dallas Cowboys (1-2, No. 13)
The zookeeper is a would-be Cowboys tackler. Moo Deng is Derrick Henry.
19. Arizona Cardinals (1-2, No. 16)
Apropos of nothing, Matt Prater is 6-for-6 on field goals this season, including a 57-yarder. He’s 40.
20. Atlanta Falcons (1-2, No. 17)
I cannot figure out which is more infuriating — that they somehow don’t have ANY concept of a “tush push” available when the game is on the line or that they think I’m supposed to know who these human beings are?
21. Carolina Panthers (1-2, No. 32)
Last year’s Joe Flacco was Joe Flacco. This year’s Joe Flacco is Andy Dalton. So congratulations to Jimmy Garoppolo for his almost certain 2025 Pro Bowl season.
22. Denver Broncos (1-2, No. 30)
It was certainly one of the cooler things that happened in Colorado this weekend. Maybe even top three.
23. Miami Dolphins (1-2, No. 15)
The good news for the Dolphins is that no one in Florida likely noticed because they were too busy snorting all of their cocaine in order to hide evidence during a traffic stop https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-snorts-cocaine-hide-evidence-after-fleeing-traffic-stop-troopers-say … or something.
24. Indianapolis Colts (1-2, No. 28)
Here is the entire list of things I am aware of from this football game:
25. New York Giants (1-2, No. 31)
Won despite failed strategy!
26. Cincinnati Bengals (0-3, No. 20)
Just absolutely hate to see it.
27. Chicago Bears (1-2, No. 21)
I think Caleb Williams is going to be good. I really do think Caleb Williams is going to be good. I swear I think Caleb Williams is going to be good.
28. Las Vegas Raiders (1-2, No. 22)
29. Cleveland Browns (1-2, No. 23)
30. New England Patriots (1-2, No. 25)
OK but are we in the trust tree? Like, is this a safe space? I enjoyed the Nikki Glaser thing.
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-3, No. 27)
Urban Meyer thinks this is embarrassing. The low-rent Urban Meyer character from the Aaron Hernandez Hulu show thinks this is embarrassing. The plane thinks this is embarrassing.
32. Tennessee Titans (0-3, No. 29)
Yeah there’s no chance I want to talk about the Titans but I will absolutely engage in conversation about John Mulaney eating Salesforce alive.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox