As we celebrate the legacy of Tony Siragusa in this issue, we remember that the man’s personality was at least as significant as his impact on the field. This year’s ESPN “Bullies of Baltimore” 30 for 30 documentary was more or less The Tony Siragusa Show, showcasing to the world the larger-than-life figure we knew so well here in Baltimore.
With that in mind, I figured it would be appropriate to look back on some of the legend’s best quips. Here are The 15 “Best Tony Siragusa Quotes.” (Spoiler: I end up cheating a little bit at the end.)
1.”If I wanted to learn a school song, I would’ve gone to Notre Dame or Penn State. I want to kill people on the football field. That’s why I came to Pitt.”
The city of Pittsburgh has a complicated relationship with Siragusa. Before he was part of the infancy of the Ravens-Steelers rivalry, he was a legend at Pitt, where this is a beloved quote.
2. “Listen, you [expletive], if you miss this kick, don’t come back to this sideline because I will hurt you.”
As told to ESPN after Siragusa’s death, this is how former Ravens kicker Matt Stover explained how his former teammate would address him before he attempted a game-winning kick. The strategy appeared to be effective.
3. “We do our f*cking job, make big f*cking holes, tackle the f*ck out of bastards, we go home, we drink some f*cking beer, we party!”
Try as I might, I could not tell you which game this “Mic’d Up” segment came from where Siragusa was addressing his defensive mates. The game isn’t important. Whenever it was, it truly captured the essence of the legend.
4. “I guess I didn’t want my boys to have all the fun out there.”
During a Week 8 loss to the Titans in 2000, Siragusa suffered a spinal injury that caused him to be stretchered from the field and literally sent to Shock Trauma … AND THEN HE SOMEHOW RETURNED TO THE GAME. His dismissive explanation was hilarious.
5. “I want to start off by saying Phil Simms can kiss my ass.”
From “Bullies of Baltimore,” Siragusa didn’t mince words when explaining his feelings for the longtime CBS analyst whom he blames for the $10,000 fine he received for his hit (or belly flop) on Raiders quarterback Rich Gannon in the AFC championship game in January 2001.
6. “So I go over [to] my trainer. I go, ‘Listen, Tess [Bill Tessendorf], if for some reason I’m out there on the field and I’m lying on my back, under no circumstances do you turn me over. OK? Get the stretcher, put me on the gurney, get me inside, get me a fresh pair of pants, a little powder, a little something to wash up, a little washcloth, and let me get back out here.'”
Siragusa retold the story of getting an enema before a game against the Redskins in 2000 a few times throughout the years. (This particular telling was to CBS Sports Radio in 2012.) It’s vastly too much information, it’s terrifyingly something you can picture and it is uproariously funny.
7. “They couldn’t run the ball and we stopped them from passing. What else could they do? They punted very well.”
After the Ravens dominated the Broncos in the wild-card round for the first playoff win in franchise history, Siragusa was asked to assess Denver’s performance. He was fair … perhaps too fair. Tom Rouen actually punted nine times for just a 38.4-yard average during the game and did not pin the Ravens inside the 20-yard line even once.
8. “I think I’ve reached both ends of the spectrum, from being a total zero to now I’m a hero. So we better win this damn game because I like being a hero better than being a zero, I’ll tell you that.”
During Super Bowl Media Day, Siragusa was asked about his journey from undrafted free agent to the cusp of a championship. He obviously got his wish.
9. “I just hope the person who was responsible for that really comes forward and learns from that experience and doesn’t do that again.”
With the cameras rolling for HBO’s “Hard Knocks,” Siragusa famously barricaded Shannon Sharpe inside a trailer where Ravens tight ends were holding a meeting during training camp in Westminster in 2001. (You almost certainly remember Sharpe demanding “restitution” for the prank.) Siragusa deadpanned this response while blaming Ravens rookies for the prank.
10. “My suggestion is if you see someone with black and gold on, follow them in the bathroom and take care of business yourself. There’s no cameras in the bathroom.”
We’re almost certain that Siragusa was kidding when he made this suggestion about how Ravens fans should treat visiting Steelers fans back in 2001. Almost certain. The folks in Pittsburgh did not exactly love the suggestion. It’s understandable. Like we said, a complicated relationship.
11. “I’ve had a lot of fun, a lot of memories. I feel like I’m going to have to wake up and pinch myself because I’ve had so much fun in my career. If anyone has as much fun in one year that I’ve had in 12, they’ll be very happy.”
A simple reflection during his 2002 retirement press conference that perfectly encapsulated his remarkable career.
12. “I want to have a nice party, I want people hanging out. Put a smile on my face, make sure I’m in a sweatsuit or something very comfortable. I don’t want to be in a suit because I hate suits.”
This quote, from an NFL Films interview, gained more traction after Siragusa’s death. But he had reiterated his hopes for his funeral a few times throughout the years, including a Howard Stern interview during which he said he asked his wife to have Frank Sinatra playing, a fitting farewell for a man who truly did it his way.
13. “He’d have to amputate body parts to get to 340. There have been times when Tony has run off the field and they’ve found chicken bones on the ground where he’s been playing.”
OK, so I know I said these would all be Tony Siragusa quotes but I was reintroduced to three particular quotes ABOUT The Goose that I’m going to wrap the list with. In the buildup to Super Bowl XXXV, a number of media members had some fun with Siragusa’s listed weight of 340 pounds. Future Hall of Famer Michael Strahan was among those who were asked about it and he delivered this gem.
14. “Tony Siragusa, I am going to describe him as looking like the guy they send around to break your legs when you haven’t paid your bookie.”
This one came from legendary late Steelers broadcaster Myron Cope, a bit of an homage to his Italian heritage and his New Jersey upbringing. Siragusa would lean into the comparison by portraying the role of Frankie Cortese on “The Sopranos.”
15. “The Goose either needs a little less head or a little more helmet.”
There was no moment I enjoyed more from “Bullies of Baltimore” than the reminder that during the Ravens’ Week 12 win against the Cowboys in 2000, Hall of Famer John Madden saw a camera shot of Siragusa and described him thusly. It was a wonderful observation made by a wonderful football personality about another wonderful football personality. It was perfect.
Photo Credit: Courtesy of the Baltimore Ravens