Here are my power rankings for Week 11 of the NFL season.
1. Philadelphia Eagles (8-1 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
If you had a bye week in Philly, you could hang with former Penn football star John Doman (who you might know better as Rawls from “The Wire”), MasterChef Junior judge and daughter-of-salsa with crudité enjoyer Daphne Oz or even music icon DJ Jazzy Jeff.
Additionally, we’re going in a different direction this week. I used to do a segment called “Five Words or Less,” and I’m going to bring it back for these power rankings. I’ll still do the bye week “random celebrities” stuff, but I’m going to do my best to describe each team in just five words. For example,
“Best by default, imperfect also.”
2. Kansas City Chiefs (7-2, No. 4)
With a bye week in Kansas City you might have time to say hello to the original host of “The Daily Show” and “Old School” creep Craig Kilborn, zero-time MLB All-Star Logan Morrison or “Single White Female” Chely Wright.
Five words: “Any receivers and they’d dominate.”
3. Detroit Lions (7-2, No. 6)
“Legitimate, Super Bowl a stretch.”
4. Dallas Cowboys (6-3, No. 8)
“Brilliant but January unraveling inevitable.”
5. Baltimore Ravens (7-3, No. 2)
“Need better halftime orange slices.”
6. San Francisco 49ers (6-3, No. 11)
“Having your best players helps.”
7. Miami Dolphins (6-3, No. 7)
A bye week in Miami might go better if you were with singer Sean Kingston and his “Beautiful Girls;” Kristin Minter, who played older sister Heather McCallister in “Home Alone,” or four-time PGA Tour winner Daniel Berger. You can’t think of Miami without thinking about those three.
And “fortunately upcoming opponents aren’t good.”
8. Seattle Seahawks (6-3, No. 9)
“More good Geno or doom.”
9. Cleveland Browns (6-3, No. 15)
“Begrudgingly, they’re a legitimate threat.”
10. Cincinnati Bengals (5-4, No. 5)
“In crowded conference, Thursday critical.”
11. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-3, No. 12)
“Legitimate record but fraudulent team.”
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (6-3, No. 3)
“Houston’s rise could spell trouble.”
13. Houston Texans (5-4, No. 17)
“Buy all of the stock.”
14. Minnesota Vikings (6-4, No. 16)
“Fun story, still mid team.”
15. Buffalo Bills (5-5, No. 14)
“New front-runner for Jim Harbaugh?”
16. Los Angeles Chargers (4-5 No. 10)
“Maybe Ben Johnson checked houses.”
17. New Orleans Saints (5-5, No. 13)
“Watching Jameis is still fun.”
18. Las Vegas Raiders (5-5, No. 20)
“Probably solidifying Antonio Pierce’s job.”
19. Indianapolis Colts (5-5, No. 23)
“Would be interesting with quarterback.”
20. Denver Broncos (4-5, No. 22)
“Not ready to overreact … yet.”
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-5, No. 25)
“Can’t pretend like anyone watched.”
22. New York Jets (4-5, No. 18)
“No way Flacco this bad.”
23. Tennessee Titans (3-6, No. 19)
“Tennesseans drank mayo for nothing.”
24. Atlanta Falcons (4-6, No. 21)
“At least Bijan isn’t dead.”
25. Washington Commanders (4-6, No. 24)
“Starting to buy on Howell.”
26. Arizona Cardinals (2-8, No. 32)
“Devastating blow to tanking philosophy.”
27. Los Angeles Rams (3-6, No. 23)
With a bye week in La La Land, you’d obviously want to spend some time with Olympic silver medalist Chris Gwynn, rapper Murs or Stephanie Tanner herself, Jodie Sweetin.
And “still worth the Super Bowl.”
28. Green Bay Packers (3-6, No. 26)
“But they almost covered though.”
29. Chicago Bears (3-7, No. 31)
“Tyson Bagent future XFL MVP.”
30. New England Patriots (2-8, No. 28)
“As tattered as Bill’s hoodies.”
31. New York Giants (2-8, No. 29)
“DeVito smart to save money.”
32. Carolina Panthers (1-8, No. 30)
“Watching Stroud must be sickening.”
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox