Here are my power rankings for Week 8 of the NFL season.
1. Kansas City Chiefs (6-0 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
When someone tells me next week is too early to put up Christmas decorations.
2. Detroit Lions (5-1, No. 3)
3. Baltimore Ravens (5-2, No. 5)
4. Minnesota Vikings (5-1, No. 2)
In a normal world, we’d recognize that the Vikings playing the Lions as well and as close as they did is a really good result for a team that still has a lot to prove.
5. Green Bay Packers (5-2, No. 6)
6. Houston Texans (5-2, No. 4)
Hey but at least they get those extra timeouts for next week, right?
7. Washington Commanders (5-2, No. 8)
And next week we get the showdown of the two Heisman Trophy winners we all wanted.
Caleb Williams vs. Marcus Mariota. Hell yeah.
8. Buffalo Bills (5-2, No. 10)
So yeah, this is wild.
9. Philadelphia Eagles (4-3, No. 13)
Truly the best of all of the teams that either have or have had Saquon Barkley.
10. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2, No. 15)
My 9-year-old when I ask if it was him or his brother that made the mess in the living room …
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-3, No. 9)
Genuinely bummed about their injuries as they were one of the more fun teams in football.
12. Chicago Bears (4-2, No. 12)
With ALL respect to “Home Alone,” the bye-week answer here is of course …
But truthfully, I wish Chicago had two teams because there needs to be room for “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” as well.
13. Seattle Seahawks (4-3, No. 19)
This has to be the highlight of the week in the NFL.
14. Cincinnati Bengals (3-4, No. 16)
I keep saying out loud that they’re better than their record indicates but if we’re in the trust tree, I’m no longer confident that they’re better than their record indicates.
15. Denver Broncos (4-3, No. 18)
I keep saying out loud that they’re not as good as their record indicates but if we’re in the trust tree, I’m no longer confident that they’re not as good as their record indicates.
16. San Francisco 49ers (3-4, No. 11)
It’s that thing where you want to make a joke about how they can never overcome the Chiefs but also you have self-awareness so you’ll just move on.
17. Dallas Cowboys (3-3, No. 17)
I had totally forgotten that this classic was set in North Texas …
18. Atlanta Falcons (4-3, No. 7)
Jealous of Falcons fans, for whom this had to feel as comfortable as a pair of wool socks.
19. Indianapolis Colts (4-3, No. 20)
I see where they flexed the Week 9 game against the Vikings to “Sunday Night Football.” So do they know that Anthony Richardson is going to be unavailable again or …?
20. Arizona Cardinals (3-4, No. 22)
Which means bet everything against the Cardinals next week.
21. Los Angeles Chargers (3-3, No. 14)
22. Los Angeles Rams (2-4, No. 28)
Seriously look forward to seeing Cooper Kupp back this week. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment, so I think he only catches like 45 passes Thursday night.
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5, No. 29)
How bad are the worst teams in the NFL? The Jags beat the worst team in the league and by rule I had them jump every bad team that also lost this weekend and they moved up six spots.
24. New Orleans Saints (2-5, No. 21)
You guys remember the Saints? From a couple of weeks ago?
25. Miami Dolphins (2-4, No. 24)
The good news for the Dolphins is that no one in Florida likely noticed because they were too busy trying to cut off and eat their karate teachers’ toes in exchange for Bassnectar tickets … or something … to notice.
(Also, I assume things get better but I’m definitely not comfortable with how they’re getting better.)
26. New York Jets (2-5, No. 23)
Going well!
27. New York Giants (2-5, No. 25)
It’s like getting shot with your own gun but also you just sorta handed it over to your mortal enemy and felt no need to get a bigger or even any other gun whatsoever.
28. Las Vegas Raiders (2-5, No. 26)
Has anyone asked Maxx Crosby if he likes crab cakes?
29. Tennessee Titans (2-4, No. 27)
Here’s a list of all of the interesting things about the Titans:
– They might trade someone
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30. Carolina Panthers (1-5, No. 30)
31. Cleveland Browns (1-6, No. 31)
Seriously, so jealous of Browns fans, for whom the comfort and familiarity of all of this must be like someone rediscovering the recipe for their grandmother’s Italian Wedding Soup.
32. New England Patriots (1-6, No. 32)
Pretty good weekend. They had the lead for a couple of minutes!
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox