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Glenn Clark’s 2024 NFL Power Rankings: Week 15

Glenn Clark , , ,
Derrick Henry, Lamar Jackson

Here are my power rankings for Week 15 of the NFL season.

1. Detroit Lions (12-1 record, No. 1 ranking last week)

2. Kansas City Chiefs (12-1, No. 3)

3. Philadelphia Eagles (11-2, No. 4)

(Also … how in the ever loving hell does an 11-2 team have that kind of drama???)

4. Minnesota Vikings (11-2, No. 6)

So freaking good.

5. Buffalo Bills (10-3, No. 2)

“Oh man, I had Puka Nacua in fantasy football, I bet I won and clinched my spot in the playo …”

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-3, No. 7)

I’ve been reluctant to say it but I have no choice anymore. They’re Super Bowl contenders.

(Now that I said that, I’ve jinxed them, right? That’s how this works?)

7. Green Bay Packers (9-4, No. 5)

It’s that thing where you’re not sure if this is the most amazing thing ever or the most remarkable scheduling anomaly, but it’s definitely a good bit of the latter.

8. Denver Broncos (8-5, No. 8)

Yes, obviously the Denver bye week clip is going to be Casa Bonita.

9. Baltimore Ravens (8-5, No. 9)

You knew the Baltimore bye week clip was going to be from “The Wire.” What you didn’t know … ahh hell, you knew it was going to be Snoop at the Hardware store, didn’t you? (Language.)

10. Seattle Seahawks (8-5, No. 10)

I’m sure Zach Charbonnet’s massive game won’t be at all disastrous for me, a guy who went Zero RB and has gotten a miraculous campaign from Kenneth Walker III. Nothing to worry about there.

11. Los Angeles Rams (7-6, No. 14)

The Titans and Jaguars are trying to figure out what language this tweet was written in.

12. Houston Texans (8-5, No. 12)

The manual burn scene from “Apollo 13” is one I reference at least once a week. Just gotta keep Earth in the window. Phenomenal scene.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-6, No. 13)

Hang the banner.

14. Los Angeles Chargers (8-5, No. 11)

I mean, they couldn’t have been surprised.

15. Washington Commanders (8-5, No. 15)

So the “crab cakes and football” scene from “Wedding Crashers” wasn’t actually set in D.C. (or Maryland even though it inspired the most significant movie quote in our state’s history). But since the rest of the film was, we’ll use it anyway.

16. Miami Dolphins (6-7, No. 16)

Their playoff hopes are alive. They play the Texans and 49ers in the next two weeks and honestly we all think the biggest threat to it all coming to an end is … their trip to Cleveland on Dec. 29 because it will be 7 degrees outside.

17. San Francisco 49ers (6-7, No. 20)

Wild!

18. Indianapolis Colts (6-7, No. 18)

I’ve made many a trip to Indianapolis. I too am sad that Mulligan’s is not an option for the next.

19. Arizona Cardinals (6-7, No. 17)

Remember those two weeks when we trusted the Cardinals?

20. Atlanta Falcons (6-7, No. 19)

21. New Orleans Saints (5-8, No. 22)

When someone reminds you that we’re more than a year removed from “Across the Spiderverse” and we STILL don’t have a date for “Beyond The Spiderverse.”

22. Cincinnati Bengals (5-8, No. 23)

23. Cleveland Browns (3-10, No. 21)

Super glad I spent a mid-round pick on Nick Chubb and held on to him for the late stages of the season. That’s worked out great.

24. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-10, No. 30)

It’s so hilarious that they make coaches do dramatic speeches after every game for social media instead of saying, “They sucked but we sucked a little less so we had that going for us.”

25. Tennessee Titans (3-10, No. 24)

The internet was trying to suggest that the attendance for the Titans’ loss was embarrassing but I took a look and honestly, this looks like a playoff game*.

(*A Tampa Bay Rays playoff game.)

26. Dallas Cowboys (4-9, No. 25)

27. New York Jets (3-10, No. 26)

28. New England Patriots (3-10, No. 28)

Our final bye week scene of the year takes us to Massachusetts. So it’s “The Departed.” Clearly. (Language.)

29. Chicago Bears (4-9, No. 27)

Starting to think they should fire Matt Eberflus, you guys.

30. Carolina Panthers (3-10, No. 30)

But like, the single most watchable and respectable 3-10 team ever, no?

31. New York Giants (2-11, No. 31)

Don’t like that. Don’t like that.

32. Las Vegas Raiders (2-11, No. 32)

The good news for the Raiders is that since they lost in Florida, no one likely noticed. You know, because they were too busy breaking into homes while half naked and high on meth so they can get some carpet cleaner … or something … to notice.

Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox

Glenn Clark

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