Here are my power rankings for Week 13 of the NFL season.
1. Los Angeles Rams (9-2 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
Matthew Stafford is the MVP and the Rams are unquestionably the best team in the league right now. F*ck them picks, indeed.
2. New England Patriots (10-2, No. 5)
You ever heard something, didn’t believe it was true despite it coming from a credible source, went and looked it up in multiple places and confirmed it was definitely true and STILL don’t believe it’s true?
This week I learned that Mike Vrabel and Rob Gronkowski were never teammates in New England.
Yeah, look it up again. I know.
Anyway congrats on 10 wins or whatever.
3. Denver Broncos (9-2, No. 3)
If the Chiefs had lost during the Broncos’ bye week, imagine how many Colorado Bulldogs may have been consumed.
The Colorado Bulldog is a popular mixed drink closely resembling a White Russian. Although it’s unclear how it got its name or who first crafted it, this simple fizzy cocktail is undeniably delicious. Cola and coffee are natural flavor companions, and the creamy base enhances the taste delightfully.
Differences Between the Colorado Bulldog and the White Russian
Topping the drink with cola is the main distinction between these two popular bar cocktails. In the Colorado Bulldog, you’ll find equal parts vodka and coffee liqueur (often Kahlúa), whereas the White Russian leans towards a 2:1 ratio. This adjustment enhances the coffee flavor, offers a balanced creamy base, and makes room for the sweet soda. There are several ways to mix it, with fun options to give it a refreshing twist.
4. Philadelphia Eagles (8-3, No. 2)
5. Seattle Seahawks (8-3, No. 7)
Jackson Smith-Njigba broke the Seahawks’ single-season receiving record.
There are still six games to be played.
6. Chicago Bears (8-3, No. 8)
Salute.
7. Indianapolis Colts (8-3, No. 4)
First they lost to the Steelers, now they can’t even help keep the Chiefs out of the playoffs. I’m starting to think that maybe there’s an argument that Baltimore football fans shouldn’t completely and totally trust the Colts.
8. Green Bay Packers (7-3-1, No. 9)
I will never forget you, 2025 Week 12 Emanuel Wilson. You have a place in my heart right next to 2020 Week 12 Antonio Gibson and 2014 Week 8 Emmanuel Sanders. Bless you for the work you’ve done.
9. Detroit Lions (7-4, No. 10)
But there is literally no one in my life I am more thankful for than Jahmyr Gibbs.
10. Buffalo Bills (7-4, No. 6)
11. Baltimore Ravens (6-5, No. 12)
The good news is that rookie Mike Green leads the team in sacks.
The bad news is with 2.5.
12. Jacksonville Jaguars (7-4, No. 13)
13. Houston Texans (6-5, No. 14)
I lost track, but I’m pretty sure they finished the Bills game with 175 sacks of Josh Allen.
14. San Francisco 49ers (8-4, No. 15)
Jauan Jennings’ punishment should be to get to do it again.
15. Kansas City Chiefs (6-5, No. 18)
I keep hearing people say how this proves the Chiefs are still a great team and the team to beat until proven otherwise, but we know definitively that this team isn’t great.
Jerks had it first-and-goal in the fourth and FAILED TO COVER?
These aren’t champions.
16. Los Angeles Chargers (7-4, No. 16)
I’ve never had a “Brown Derby,” but I’d be willing to head out to Los Angeles to try one …
The classic Brown Derby cocktail features bourbon, grapefruit juice and honey syrup. That trio of simple ingredients belies the complex taste of the drink, in which honey bridges the gap between tart citrus and spicy bourbon to produce an intricate combination that has stood the test of time.
According to the 2002 book The Craft of the Cocktail by bartending legend Dale DeGroff, the Brown Derby was created in the 1930s at the Vendôme Club in Los Angeles, and named for the hat-shaped diner that was located nearby. However, the cocktail’s origin gets a bit murky from there.
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5, No. 11)
The good news is that no one in Florida likely noticed because they were too busy walking around buck naked in 36-degree weather as part of some TikTok challenge in order to notice.
18. Dallas Cowboys (5-5-1, No. 22)
Shoutout to my cousin Alijah. Taught him everything.
19. Pittsburgh Steelers (6-5, No. 17)
When Aaron Rodgers’ actual family finds out he’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner this year …
20. Miami Dolphins (4-7, No. 20)
If I had been in Miami during bye week I would have been willing to try a “Miami Vice.”
Few cocktails evoke such a sense of time and place — or earn such strong reactions — as the Miami Vice. The drink is essentially equal parts frozen Strawberry Daiquiri and Piña Colada layered on top of each other. While its origins are murky, it’s thought to have originated in its eponymous city, pre-dating the popular 1980s television series of the same name.
Let’s get this out of the way: The Miami Vice is not meant to be a serious drink. In its original, intended form, it’s the cocktail equivalent of pressing two different buttons on the self-serve soda fountain at a Burger King. It’s also delicious, because Strawberry Daiquiris are delicious, and Piña Coladas are delicious. Both use flavor profiles that complement each other, so of course they taste great in a glass together.
21. Carolina Panthers (6-6, No. 19)
Of all of the football games I’ve watched, this was by far the most recent.
22. Atlanta Falcons (4-7, No. 25)
They won a football game that very much means something to the two cities and essentially no one else at all.
23. Minnesota Vikings (4-7, No. 21)
24. Cincinnati Bengals (3-8, No. 23)
It strikes me that it is quite possible that we have seen Joe Flacco throw his final pass in the NFL.
Or that Joe Burrow will be hurt again in two weeks. One or the other.
25. Arizona Cardinals (3-8, No. 24)
Pretty good weekend when you think about it. They almost won a game.
26. Cleveland Browns (3-8, No. 32)
It’s that thing where you feel like you should root for Shadeur because everyone has been a giant asshole about him for no particular reason but also, he plays for the Browns so …
27. New York Jets (2-9 No. 26)
28. Washington Commanders (3-7, No. 28)
I’ve probably gone out in D.C. about 1,000 times and I have never tried a “Rickey” cocktail and I kinda wish I had been in D.C. during the bye week because, honestly, it sounds great.
The Rickey was first poured at Shoomaker’s Bar, a historic saloon that once stood along Pennsylvania Avenue. Today, the site is home to the JW Marriott Washington, DC, where a commemorative plaque honors the drink’s origin and its official designation as DC’s hometown cocktail.
The story goes that in the sweltering summer heat, Colonel Joe Rickey, a Democratic lobbyist, requested something cool and unsweetened. The bartender mixed together:
-Gin (or bourbon)
-Fresh lime juice
-Sparkling soda water
29. New Orleans Saints (2-9, No. 27)
It’s that thing where you have FAAB money left and Devin Neal looks like he could potentially be a thing but also he plays for the Saints so probably not?
30. New York Giants (2-10, No. 29)
31. Las Vegas Raiders (2-9, No. 30)
Me, realizing I still have to find six more weeks of things to say about the Raiders.
32. Tennessee Titans (1-10, No. 31)
Cam Ward hasn’t been very good and still can’t win but looks semi-promising deep in a meaningless late-season game, allowing Tennessee fans reason for hope. What could go wrong?
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox