Here are my power rankings for Week 10 of the NFL season.
1. Philadelphia Eagles (8-0, No. 2 ranking last week)
Eagles: “Well now that the Phillies (and the Union) lost their championship matchups and we’re still undefeated, we finally get to be the singular heroes of the town.”
Philadelphia: “Slow the entire eff down.”
2. Kansas City Chiefs (6-2, No. 3)
Look, I know the Chiefs are good and all, but also they probably shouldn’t have needed to throw the ball 68 times and go to overtime to beat a team that couldn’t complete a forward pass, right?
3. Minnesota Vikings (7-1, No. 4)
4. Buffalo Bills (6-2, No. 1)
Because exactly what we need in a year with no offense is to ALSO have Josh Allen out.
5. Dallas Cowboys (6-2, No. 5)
I know it probably feels like it would HAVE to be a country song for Dallas, but actually …
6. Baltimore Ravens (6-3, No. 6)
7. Seattle Seahawks (6-3, No. 7)
I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Geno Smith is playing well and no one expected him to play well. Little breaking news you heard here first.
8. New York Giants (6-2, No. 8)
I truly know that there are a BILLION options here but you guys, no song gives me greater joy than this.
9. Miami Dolphins (6-3, No. 10)
When his team hasn’t been attempting to kill him, he’s been REALLY good this season.
10. New York Jets (6-3, No. 11)
I know ESPN is giving them a 72 percent chance of making the playoffs but like, you know, it’s still the Jets, right?
11. Tennessee Titans (5-3, No. 9)
12. San Francisco 49ers (4-4, No. 12)
I love Metallica. I personally love Third Eye Blind. But let’s not pretend like there’s a better answer than this.
13. Los Angeles Chargers (5-3, No. 13)
Spot on.
14. Cincinnati Bengals (5-4, No. 14)
Congratulations to Joe Mixon, who had the second most impressive performance in Cincinnati Sunday.
15. New England Patriots (5-4, No. 15)
I’m also not sure if you’ve heard, but Matt Judon is playing very well and used to play for the Ravens. Just a little more breaking news from your friend Glenn this week.
16. Washington Commanders (4-5, No. 16)
Sure they lost BUT they’re about to have a Jeff Bezos/Jay-Z/Matthew McConaghey/Tim McCarver/Dick Vitale/Jim Palmer/Dr. Joyce Brothers ownership group.
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-5, No. 26)
Me when I consumed a cajun-style cheese curd in Wisconsin this weekend.
18. Los Angeles Rams (3-5, No. 17)
A stupid person will probably ask this week if it was worth it to give up all of their draft picks to now be 3-5 a year later and again, they are a stupid person. Yes. Yes it was.
19. Atlanta Falcons (4-5, No. 18)
It’s that thing where your buddy says his girl is bringing her friend and you and the boys start fighting over who is gonna end up with the friend UNTIL you meet the friend and then …
20. Arizona Cardinals (3-6, No. 19)
21. Cleveland Browns (3-5, No. 21)
I love Nine Inch Nails AND Bone Thugs but you guys, they don’t make songs like this anymore.
22. New Orleans Saints (3-6, No. 20)
23. Denver Broncos (3-5, No. 23)
The answer to the question is ANY Nathaniel Rateliff song. I love “Howling at Nothing” a ton but I’ll go with this.
24. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-6, No. 30)
The Jaguars lead the NFL with 203 first downs this season, or one for every time you’ve thought “maybe the Jaguars could be something” after they’ve done something good throughout the years only for them to remind you that they’re still the Jaguars a week later.
25. Chicago Bears (3-6, No. 24)
It’s cool though because I definitely didn’t pass on putting in a waiver claim for Justin Fields because I figured there was no way I would start him over Aaron Rodgers against the Lions.
26. Indianapolis Colts (3-5-1, No. 22)
You can make fun of the Colts for hiring a coach with no NFL or college coaching experience, but that’s only because you absolutely should do that and this is embarrassing.
27. Green Bay Packers (3-6, No. 25)
28. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-6, No. 28)
Pittsburgh hasn’t given us much musically, honestly. But this was wonderful.
29. Detroit Lions (2-6, No. 32)
Perhaps you’d think they’d move up even more on the list but all they did was beat a wretched, moribund team like the Packers.
30. Las Vegas Raiders (2-6, No. 27)
31. Carolina Panthers (2-7, No. 29)
32. Houston Texans (1-6-1, No. 31)
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox