Here are my power rankings for Week 2 of the NFL season.
The theme for this week is “biggest overreaction after just one game … but might also be an appropriate reaction.”
1. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0 record, No. 2 ranking last week)
Jalen Carter is going to be Rookie of the Year AND Defensive Player of the Year.
(It’s an overreaction because he’ll PROBABLY only be the first.)
2. San Francisco 49ers (1-0, No. 4)
Brock Purdy will never lose a regular-season game in his life.
3. Miami Dolphins (1-0, No. 10)
Tyreek Hill will finish with 3,500 receiving yards this season.
4. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1, No. 1)
Patrick Mahomes is actually lowkey mid.
5. Baltimore Ravens (1-0, No. 6)
The team’s very reasonable fans will manage to make it until at least the fall officially begins before they have their pitchforks out for the new offensive coordinator.
6. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0, No. 7)
The best Josh Allen plays here.
7. Dallas Cowboys (1-0, No. 11)
It is justifiable that the only two topics the collective sports media will discuss this week will be them and their former cornerback.
8. Detroit Lions (1-0, No. 12)
They can’t possibly screw this up.
9. New York Jets (1-0, No. 9)
They can survive this.
10. Buffalo Bills (0-1, No. 5)
It’s time to trade Stefon Diggs to the Packers.
11. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1, No. 3)
They would have been better off getting $275 million worth of pumpkin spice butt wipes.
12. Los Angeles Chargers (0-1, No. 8)
This probably won’t happen again.
13. Cleveland Browns (1-0, No. 17)
This is their year.
14. Los Angeles Rams (1-0, No. 18)
There will be two times acknowledged in human history, before and after Puka Nacua came into our lives.
15. Green Bay Packers (1-0, No. 19)
Jordan Love is the greatest quarterback in franchise history.
16. Washington Commanders (1-0, No. 21)
They’ll definitely be able to do that against real teams too.
17. New Orleans Saints (1-0, No. 24)
Michael Thomas is back and fantasy owners have no reason to worry again.
18. Seattle Seahawks (0-1, No. 16)
This was the worst half in the history of football.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0, No. 27)
If Damar Hamlin remains inactive, Baker Mayfield will be Comeback Player of the Year.
20. Minnesota Vikings (1-0, No. 13)
This is a very logical organization that has made good decisions in recent years.
(Other than their wide receivers.)
21. Las Vegas Raiders (1-0, No. 26)
Anyone outside of Las Vegas will remember that happened a month from now.
22. Atlanta Falcons (1-0, No. 29)
Bijan Robinson is the greatest offensive weapon in football history.
23. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1, No. 14)
We can relax because there’s simply no chance they’ll figure this out.
24. Chicago Bears (0-1, No. 20)
It’s not time to look to cash out on those “no, the Bears will make the playoffs” bets that idiot Glenn Clark told you to make.
25. New England Patriots (0-1, No. 23)
Things are turning around and we should be excited about watching them on “Sunday Night Football” next week.
26. Tennessee Titans (0-1, No. 22)
Ryan Tannehill isn’t the problem and they should continue to wait on Will Levis.
27. Denver Broncos (0-1, No. 25)
They’ll get there eventually.
28. New York Giants (0-1, No. 15)
It’s cool because a lot of good teams lose at home by 40.
29. Carolina Panthers (0-1, No. 28)
They’re interesting.
30. Indianapolis Colts (0-1, No. 31)
Anthony Richardson is the best dual-threat quarterback in football already.
31. Houston Texans (0-1, No. 30)
Derek Stingley played well, so it’s pretty much like they won.
32. Arizona Cardinals (0-1, No. 32)
There is anything at all worth saying here.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox