Here are my power rankings for Week 16 of the NFL season.
1. Kansas City Chiefs (13-1 record, No. 2 ranking last week)
Our theme for this week is to take a look at the best- and worst-case scenarios for each team moving forward. For example:
BEST: Patrick Mahomes isn’t out long and they do exactly what you’d expect them to do.
WORST: Our country has to watch a serious amount of Carson Wentz.
2. Philadelphia Eagles (12-2, No. 3)
BEST: They keep winning and maybe even mix in a day when they don’t fight with each other.
WORST: Well it’s the Eagles, so …
3. Minnesota Vikings (12-2, No. 4)
BEST: They land the No. 1 seed with the Lions faltering.
WORST: They drop a playoff opener in Arizona.
4. Buffalo Bills (11-3, No. 5)
BEST: Josh Allen finally gets the fans the title they’re so desperate for … an individual honor.
WORST: And they lose in the first round anyway.
5. Detroit Lions (12-2, No. 1)
BEST: No more significant players get hurt next week.
WORST: Hendon Hooker is throwing to Shane Zylstra in the playoffs.
6. Green Bay Packers (10-4, No. 7)
BEST: A Super Bowl run seems viable.
WORST: Maybe the Falcons win the NFC South at 9-8 and the Packers lose a playoff game they should probably be hosting, but we still haven’t fixed the insane bug where mid teams are allowed to host playoff games because they were moderately better than truly awful teams?
7. Pittsburgh Steelers (10-4, No. 6)
BEST: Unfortunately, also a Super Bowl run.
WORST: He IS still Russell Wilson.
8. Denver Broncos (9-5, No. 8)
BEST: They somehow win a playoff game (ideally Tim Tebow redux).
WORST: They still have a wildly more successful season than anyone could have possibly expected.
9. Baltimore Ravens (9-5, No. 9)
BEST: They exorcise all of their demons in a two-month span.
WORST: “Hold on, there’s a flag on the play.”
10. Los Angeles Rams (8-6, No. 11)
BEST: Cooper Kupp wildly bounces back and posts like five fantasy points next week for everyone who spectacularly avoided elimination despite playing him.
WORST: But it’s cool because obviously I’m over it and I’m capable of writing something about the Rams that doesn’t obsess over my own situation.
11. Houston Texans (9-5, No. 12)
BEST: They don’t have to face the Ravens or the Steelers in Round 1.
WORST: They lose anyway.
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-6, No. 13)
BEST: We get to the playoffs and find ourselves saying, “Oh yeah, they’re pretty good, huh?”
WORST: I mean, it’s not like they were going to win the Super Bowl so I think it’s gravy.
13. Seattle Seahawks (8-6, No. 10)
BEST: They find their next Russell Wilson in the third round.
WORST: They convince themselves they don’t need a quarterback.
14. Washington Commanders (9-5, No. 15)
BEST: Jayden Daniels does something really funky to lift them to a playoff win.
WORST: The Commanders are so far past what their franchise knows as “worst case scenarios” that we really don’t need to discuss it further.
15. Los Angeles Chargers (8-6, No. 14)
BEST: They stumble into the No. 5 seed and a trip to Houston.
WORST: They get docked a couple of draft picks for whatever shenanigans they’ve probably been up to.
16. Arizona Cardinals (7-7, No. 19)
BEST: They magically steal the NFC West.
WORST: A surprise “Call of Duty” drops next week.
17. Atlanta Falcons (7-7, No. 20)
BEST: They win a game that they can actually celebrate.
WORST: They lose at home to the Giants and somehow I’m not sure that’s impossible.
18. Miami Dolphins (6-8, No. 16)
BEST: No more awful things happen to their quarterback.
WORST: They’re in the mix for Aaron Rodgers in the offseason.
19. San Francisco 49ers (6-8, No. 17)
BEST: “At least we know Brock Purdy is still the answer.”
WORST: “Sure he didn’t look remotely like the same guy, but we have no choice but to give him the Juan Soto deal.”
20. Indianapolis Colts (6-8, No. 18)
BEST: By this time next year, Anthony Richardson has dramatically improved … and completes half of his passes.
WORST: Probably just more of this.
21. Cincinnati Bengals (6-8, No. 22)
BEST: They waste one of the best passing seasons in NFL history.
WORST: You rack your brain for 10 minutes trying to figure out how you can come up with a “worst” for the power rankings you’re currently writing.
22. Dallas Cowboys (6-8, No. 26)
BEST: They mess things up for the Commanders and/or Eagles down the stretch.
WORST: We’re talking about Jerry Jones, so Ryan Day might be their next head coach.
23. New Orleans Saints (5-9, No. 21)
BEST: Maybe you make Josh McCown and Sam Darnold a package deal?
WORST: Who are we kidding, it’s Derek Carr again.
24. New York Jets (4-10, No. 27)
BEST: It’s the Jets, so no such scenario exists.
WORST: “Maybe we give him one more shot?”
25. Cleveland Browns (3-11, No. 23)
BEST: The city doesn’t implode.
WORST: Maybe like a zombie apocalypse or something?
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (3-11, No. 24)
BEST: No one in Florida even notices because they’re too busy … getting busted trying to buy crack on Craigslist … or something. https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-attempting-purchase-crack-craigslist-busted-undercover-cop-who-responded-ad
WORST: Can it get worse than a coach saying, “Yeah, I’d rather go to North Carolina?”
27. Tennessee Titans (3-11, No. 25)
BEST: The next quarterback is known for something besides mayonnaise.
WORST: Somehow it is worse than that.
28. New England Patriots (3-11, No. 28)
BEST: Maybe they get some real football players on the team or something?
WORST: The last 25 years still happened.
29. Chicago Bears (4-10, No. 29)
BEST: Ben Johnson is A) the hire and B) what we think he is.
WORST: They’re talking about the salad days of Matt Eberflus.
30. Carolina Panthers (3-11, No. 30)
BEST: They’ve probably already seen enough that they’re not in full-on panic mode.
WORST: Still, they’ve won three games.
31. New York Giants (2-12, No. 31)
BEST: They win a home game at some point in the future of their franchise.
WORST: I mean, things are bad but you guys are acting like they only have two wins AND they gave up the best football player they’ve had in a decade to watch their blood rival dominate with him or something.
32. Las Vegas Raiders (2-12, No. 32)
BEST: It’s Shadeur and he’s worth it.
WORST: You’re Antonio Pierce and you get sentenced to another year of this.
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