Here are my power rankings for Week 2 of the NFL season.
1. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
And now they’ve added Tank Bigsby, who looks like a perfect fit if Saquon Barkley were to get hurt. It’s like I always say, I just wish that the rich could be a little richer.
2. Buffalo Bills (1-0, No. 4)
I hate this because it is truly top-notch trolling.
3. Green Bay Packers (1-0, No. 6)
So you mean to tell me that paying top dollar to acquire a top-notch talent in his prime at a position of major need can be, like, helpful?
4. Baltimore Ravens (0-1, No. 2)
In my heart, they’re something like 20th. This sucks, man.
5. Washington Commanders (1-0, No. 7)
I have no idea how the Deebo Samuel thing will ultimately play out, but so far he’s proving why it was a no-brainer of a risk for the Commanders to take.
6. Los Angeles Rams (1-0, No. 9)
This genuinely was sick.
7. Los Angeles Chargers (1-0, No. 13)
It’s like I’ve always said, Madison Beer (whoever that is) > Taylor Swift.
8. Cincinnati Bengals (1-0, No. 8)
When grandma is upset that you just played a Draw Four on top of another Draw Four.
9. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1, No. 3)
Patrick Mahomes had like three “there’s no way a human being could possibly do this” moments and they still lost, which is wild.
10. Denver Broncos (1-0, No. 10)
They actually deserve to drop a few spots, really.
11. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0, No. 11)
Did you guys know they called Antoine Winfield “Tweeze?”
I don’t know why, but I freaking love this.
12. Minnesota Vikings (1-0, No. 12)
Former first-round bust last year? Check. Questionable first-round pick making his NFL debut this year? Check. They should force Kevin O’Connell to try something that is actually difficult. Like completing an entire season as an Orioles pitcher.
13. Detroit Lions (0-1, No. 5)
That was alarming. I think they’ll be fine, but I’m also the guy who thought teams SHOULDN’T blow 15-point leads in the last few minutes, so what do I know?
14. San Francisco 49ers (1-0, No. 16)
15. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0, No. 17)
You have to feel good for Aaron Rodgers, who seems like a really swell fella and not at all like smug blowhard.
16. Indianapolis Colts (1-0, No. 24)
The person in your league who knows nothing about football and insanely started Daniel Jones:
17. Houston Texans (0-1, No. 14)
I was looking forward to seeing the Texans in the late window on “RedZone.” I know there are commercials now, but why did they miss them?
18. Seattle Seahawks (0-1, No. 15)
And them too?
19. Arizona Cardinals (1-0, No. 23)
Either Will Johnson is very good or the Saints are very bad or yes.
20. Las Vegas Raiders (1-0, No. 27)
Very strong Raiders debut for Geno Smith, who is definitely better than you think but not really better than you think I think.
21. Atlanta Falcons (0-1, No. 19)
This is a very clever tweet.
22. Chicago Bears (0-1, No. 20)
23. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-0, No. 26)
I was as surprised as you to learn that someone had won the Jaguars-Panthers game.
24. Dallas Cowboys (0-1, No. 21)
They both weren’t quite as bad as we expected AND didn’t have a player ejected for spitting and honestly, that’s the closest they’re getting to a Super Bowl until at least 2100.
25. New England Patriots (0-1, No. 22)
Agree with Stavros.
26. Miami Dolphins (0-1, No. 18)
The good news is that no one in Florida was likely watching because they were all too busy getting lost in a swamp and needing the help of drones to get out.
27. New York Jets (0-1, No. 32)
28. Tennessee Titans (0-1, No. 28)
Progress? Legitimately?
29 Carolina Panthers (0-1, No. 25)
We have all been there, though.
30. Cleveland Browns (0-1 No. 30)
If we’re being totally honest, they have the Ravens EXACTLY where they want them.
31. New Orleans Saints (0-1, No. 29)
Saints fans: “I’m so despondent I might drink some Dawn.”
Dawn: “And enjoy it.”
32. New York Giants (0-1, No. 32)
The good news for Russell Wilson is that based on the track record of New York quarterbacks, he’ll be thriving somewhere in 2026.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox