Here are my power rankings for Week 17 of the NFL season.
1. Seattle Seahawks (12-3 record, No. 3 ranking last week)
I’ve done this before. In the spirit of the holidays, I’ll share something “naughty” and something “nice” about each team. For example:
Naughty: We are conveniently forgetting that Sam Darnold was pretty bad for most of the game against the Rams. Again.
Nice: But not the whole game.
2. Buffalo Bills (11-4, No. 4)
Nice: A seventh straight trip to the playoffs, the longest active streak in the NFL
Naughty: They’re clearly forcing their coach to try to do his job blind.
3. New England Patriots (12-3, No. 5)
Naughty: Their run defense against Derrick Henry
Nice: I’m assuming some sort of jedi mind tricks that got him off the field?
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4, No. 6)
Nice: Jakobi Meyers and Parker Washington legitimately look like stars. What planet are we living on?
Naughty: We all know that newcomers aren’t supposed to steal the show.
5. Chicago Bears (11-4, No. 7)
Nice: DJ Moore’s catch
Naughty: DJ Moore’s mouth
6. Los Angeles Rams (11-4, No. 2)
Nice: They’re still probably the most complete team in the NFC.
Naughty: I hear you’re not supposed to give up three separate two-point conversions in the same game.
7. Houston Texans (10-5, No. 8)
Nice: Their defense might well be the best unit there is going into the playoffs.
Naughty: They’re really out here doing their damnedest to lose to the Raiders?
8. Los Angeles Chargers (11-4, No. 9)
Naughty: An offensive line that has given up 49 (!) sacks.
Nice: Justin Herbert’s manners!
9. San Francisco 49ers (11-4, No. 10)
Naughty: I mean, they did allow a grandfather to throw for nearly 300 yards and two touchdowns.
Nice: They legitimately control their own destiny to be the No. 1 seed in the NFC despite literally everyone getting hurt.
10. Denver Broncos (12-3, No. 1)
Naughty: It turns out you actually might need to be able to play for four whole quarters sometimes.
Nice: They get a layup to try to get right this week against a moribund NFL franchise known as the “Chiefs.”
11. Philadelphia Eagles (10-5, No. 12)
Nice: They’re apparently NOT going to replicate their complete collapse of 2023.
Naughty: That I had somehow never seen this particularly amazing post from The Onion from after the Super Bowl that they re-shared this week.
12. Pittsburgh Steelers (9-6, No. 13)
Nice: Kenneth Gainwell is a friggin’ running back.
Naughty: The ref toying with the emotions of Lions fans like that.
13. Green Bay Packers (9-5-1, No. 11)
Naughty: Likely losing the division because you can’t recover a friggin’ onside kick.
Nice: If the Lions were to lose to the Vikings on Christmas and the Packers clinch a playoff spot, I think we can all agree that the chances of winning the division are so slim that they shouldn’t even think about trying to play Jordan Love even if he clears concussion protocol. Give that man a nice extended break.
14. Carolina Panthers (8-7, No. 20)
Nice: For them, that the NFC South exists.
Naughty: For everyone, the same.
15. Detroit Lions (8-7, No. 14)
Nice: They’re not actually dead yet.
Naughty: Just out here losing at home to Aaron Rodgers in 2025. I mean, who does that? Embarrassing.
16. Baltimore Ravens (7-8, No. 15)
Nice: I’m open to suggestions. The punter is good!
Naughty: Basically everything else.
17. Minnesota Vikings (7-8, No. 18)
Nice: They won a football game against a football team!
Naughty: How bad is the NFL if they’re the 17th-best team?
18. Indianapolis Colts (8-7, No. 17)
Naughty: Black helmets? Yeah?
Nice: Philip Rivers still hasn’t perished on the football field.
19. Dallas Cowboys (6-8-1, No. 16)
Naughty: They’re still the Cowboys.
Nice: For them, nothing. For the rest of us, knowing that it won’t change any time soon.
20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-8, No. 19)
Naughty: How are they actually worse with all of their receivers back?
Nice: They still get another shot at the Panthers in Week 18 and, really, what could go wrong?
21. New Orleans Saints (5-10, No. 22)
Naughty: They really waited until it was too late to start their 26-year-old quarterback when they could have easily won the division.
Nice: Taysom Hill made some neat history in what may have been his final game in New Orleans.
22. Atlanta Falcons (6-9, No. 23)
Nice: Bijan Robinson.
Naughty: Basically any time they do anything besides giving the ball to Bijan Robinson.
23. Cincinnati Bengals (5-10, No. 25)
Nice: Being a Chase Brown owner.
Naughty: Realizing that’s in the league where you’re already eliminated and that you traded him away in the league where you still have a chance.
24. Miami Dolphins (6-9, No. 21)
Nice: De’Von Achane.
Naughty: I’m just not sure that Quinn Ewers is gonna be the guy.
25. Kansas City Chiefs (6-9, No. 24)
Naughty: Most of it. The overwhelming majority, really.
Nice: Isaiah Likely is probably gonna have 1,000 yards for them next year.
26. Tennessee Titans (3-12, No. 29)
Nice: They won another football game!
Naughty: It’s “hurt our draft pick” season, though.
27. Washington Commanders (4-11, No. 26)
Naughty: The Commanders.
Nice: For D.C. fans, it’s gotta feel really comfortable though. Like putting on an old sweater and sitting in front of the fire.
28. New York Jets (3-12, No. 27)
Naughty: Oof.
Nice: New York at Christmastime is nice though.
29. Arizona Cardinals (3-12, No. 28)
Nice: And Arizona at Christmastime is warmer than most places.
Naughty: This guy nails it. (The tweeter. Not Chad Ryland. Obviously.)
30. Cleveland Browns (3-12, No. 30)
Naughty: They lost by three points.
Nice: If the Ravens win Saturday night then we’ll all be rooting for them. Oh dear God.
31. New York Giants (2-13, No. 31)
Nice: I still think Jaxson Dart is a dude.
Naughty: But I can’t ignore …
32. Las Vegas Raiders (2-13, No. 32)
Nice: Controlling your own destiny to get the No. 1 pick.
Naughty: But you still have to lose to the other worst team in the league to clinch it.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox