Here are my power rankings for Week 13 of the NFL season.
1. Kansas City Chiefs (10-1 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
Because if you’re going to have your fantasy football hopes destroyed by one player, it’s really nice to know it was a super likable, swell fella like Tyreek Hill.
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (11-0, No. 2)
Congratulations? I guess?
3. New Orleans Saints (9-2, No. 3)
We’ve been doing this Taysom Hill thing for a few years now and y’all JUST got around to getting this on Twitter?
4. Tennessee Titans (8-3, No. 4)
5. Green Bay Packers (8-3, No. 5)
The Packers have now scored 40 or more points against all of their division opponents this season, only the second team in NFL to accomplish this. It’s also roughly what the entire NFC East has combined to score against non-division opponents.
6. Buffalo Bills (8-3, No. 6)
Warning: super wholesome football content alert.
7. Seattle Seahawks (8-3, No. 8)
8. Indianapolis Colts (7-4, No. 7)
Them: “Yeah but they didn’t have their top defensive linemen to face Derrick Henry so it kinda doesn’t count.”
Ravens fans: “Oh?”
9. Miami Dolphins (7-4, No. 13)
You could spend time talking about Miami’s win against the worst team in the NFL ORRRRRR you could watch this video of an actual dolphin trying to surf with a dude and you left a couple words ago, didn’t you?
10. Cleveland Browns (7-4, No. 15)
I appreciate the lengths we’re all willing to go to in order to pretend like they’re “actually good” and not “just good enough for now.”
11. Los Angeles Rams (7-4, No. 9)
I’ve gotta be honest, I’m really surprised that they were so bad against the 49ers. Not “oh wow, Joakim Noah was still in the NBA” surprised, but surprised.
12. Arizona Cardinals (6-5, No. 10)
Sure, they’d be totally spiraling if not for a Hail Mary a couple weeks back, but their social media is undefeated …
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-5, No. 11)
14. Las Vegas Raiders (6-5, No. 12)
Nate Robinson thinks they got absolutely demolished this weekend.
15. Baltimore Ravens (6-5, No. 15)
Hard to overreact to losing a game without your football players. Of course, we’re a country that won’t wear a stupid piece of cloth to help prevent the spread of a disease, so …
16. San Francisco 49ers (5-6, No. 19)
The Niners are going to host their home games at a division rival’s stadium 11-and-a-half hours away and that’s definitely one of the 187,000 weirdest things that’s happened this season.
17. Minnesota Vikings (5-6, No. 18)
I truly felt this.
18. New England Patriots (5-6, No. 20)
Wait. Are they good? Maybe? I haven’t been this confused since I asked my friend, “Why is the internet always talking about Scottie Pippen’s wife?” and lost the next three hours of my day.
19. Denver Broncos (4-7, No. 16)
Broncos: “It’s pretty unfair that we should have to play with such a disadvantage.”
Molde: “Ours is worse.”
20. Chicago Bears (5-6, No. 17)
21. New York Giants (4-7, No. 22)
If I knew how to make one of those tweets, I’d put “Daniel Jones” on one side, “my last trip to Denny’s” on the other and then below the image of shaking hands “trouble with a hammy.”
22. Houston Texans (4-7, No. 23)
Sure, it’ll hurt to lose Will Fuller but at least Houston has
DeAndre Hopkins Kenny Stills lots of high draft picks a respectable baseball franchise space stuff?
23. Washington Football Team (4-7, No. 26)
I have to be honest, when I saw this tweet I just kinda assumed it was the division’s record against non-division opponents …
24. Atlanta Falcons (4-7, No. 25)
That was really surprising. Not “lawmakers in Taiwan throwing pig guts at each other on their parliament floor” surprising, but surprising.
25. Carolina Panthers (4-8, No. 21)
We could spend time discussing the Carolina Panthers or we could spend time discussing Chipotle adding SMOKED BRISKET to the menu and why would any human ever do the former?
26. Los Angeles Chargers (3-8, No. 24)
TFW “did you talk to the rest of your group about the change you made to the presentation?”
27. Dallas Cowboys (3-8, No. 27)
But fear not, Cowboys fans. It is Duke basketball season now and they landed Joey Baker and …
Oh. That’s too bad.
28. Detroit Lions (4-7, No. 28)
But watching the Lions get skull dragged every year on Thanksgiving still has to be one of the top 100 things to in Detroit still, right?
29. Philadelphia Eagles (3-7-1, No. 29)
30. Cincinnati Bengals (2-8-1, No. 30)
I try to do a little Twitter research on teams for power rankings every week and you guys, if I didn’t share this particular tweet I should be fired for dereliction of duty:
31. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-10, No. 31)
Sure, the Jaguars are utterly terrible but at least Floridians also have … the chance of being hit in the head by frozen iguanas raining from the sky?
32. New York Jets (0-11, No. 32)
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox