Here are my power rankings for Week 3 of the NFL season.
1. Buffalo Bills (2-0 record, No. 1 ranking last week)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-0, No. 2)
Perhaps Todd Bowles should have been clearer when he said, “We might have to win a slugfest.”
3. Kansas City Chiefs (2-0, No. 3)
Patrick Mahomes is now 22-3 against the AFC West in his career. That might change, though, if the Broncos ever get a quarterback.
4. Los Angeles Rams (1-1, No. 5)
Whoever is writing for Mark Sanchez is even better at their job than Aaron Donald is at his.
5. Miami Dolphins (2-0, No. 8)
Every Ravens fan who also owned a Dolphins receiver in fantasy this weekend:
6. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0, No. 9)
Valid points were made.
7. Los Angeles Chargers (1-1, No. 6)
Tungsten Arm O’Doyle thinks Justin Herbert does amazing things in losses.
8. Green Bay Packers (1-1, No. 13)
9. Baltimore Ravens (1-1, No. 4)
The Baltimore Orioles’ lineup thinks the Baltimore Ravens’ backfield is anemic.
10. San Francisco 49ers (1-1, No. 16)
They’re quite fortunate that they were able to make the decision to acquire veteran backup Jimmy Garoppolo before the trade deadline.
11. New York Giants (2-0, No. 18)
12. Minnesota Vikings (1-1, No. 7)
13. New Orleans Saints (1-1, No. 11)
Jameis Winston threw three interceptions Sunday, which is weird because he almost never does that.
14. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2, No. 10)
Joe Burrow is on pace to be sacked 111 times this year, or one for any time I said “these aren’t the same Bengals anymore” this offseason like an idiot.
15. Denver Broncos (1-1, No. 17)
16. New England Patriots (1-1, No. 23)
It was a struggle, but the Patriots dug deep and managed to pull out a win during Robert Kraft’s 500th career game as owner. When reached for comment he said, “Wow, I just love a happy ending.”
(What? You leave a meatball down the plate and I’m NOT supposed to swing?)
17. Dallas Cowboys (1-1, No. 25)
Congratulations to the Cowboys for winning one football game, thus clinching all of the rest of their games being on national TV, too.
18. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1, No. 12)
Well that’s a real shame.
19. Arizona Cardinals (1-1, No. 26)
20. Las Vegas Raiders (0-2, No. 15)
When reached for comment the Raiders said, “Hey did you hear about that Adam Levine? Seems like a really bad guy, huh?”
21. Cleveland Browns (1-1, No. 19)
Hey, what do Nick Chubb and Bryson DeChambeau have in common? Their weekends would have been fine if they would have just gotten down.
22. Tennessee Titans (0-2, No. 20)
23. New York Jets (1-1, No. 30)
If I’ve said one thing in my career it’s that there will NEVER be a stretch of 2,230 consecutive NFL games in which a team trailing by 13-plus points in the final two minutes of the fourth quarter loses.
24. Detroit Lions (1-1, No. 31)
25. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-1, No. 32)
If the season ended today, they’d host the Ravens in the first round of the playoffs. Just like we all predicted.
26. Seattle Seahawks (1-1, No. 21)
Update: He wrote back.
27. Chicago Bears (1-1, No. 22)
Imagine having lost 10 of 11 games against your rival. Imagine being so disrespected that the opposing quarterback literally proclaimed that he owned you. Then imagine just getting b-word-slapped AGAIN by the same team. The Chicago Bears are the football equivalent of Ted Cruz.
28. Washington Commanders (1-1, No. 24)
Remember the time they won a game?
29. Indianapolis Colts (0-1-1, No. 14)
30. Carolina Panthers (0-2, No. 27)
They have to be the least interesting team in the NFL at this point, right? Should they change quarterbacks? Probably not. Should they fire the coach? I mean, maybe? Is Christian McCaffrey healthy at the moment? Who could possibly know?
31. Houston Texans (0-1-1, No. 28)
I take it back. They’re somehow much less interesting.
32. Atlanta Falcons (0-2, No. 29)
And now, a #MotivationMonday message from the Atlanta Falcons!
HELL YEAH.
Photo Credit: Kenya Allen/PressBox